New year’s resolutions are like diets – many of us have tried them all: writing a list of our goals, picking a word for the year, imagining how you want the year to feel, the year of “yes” or the year of “no”. And most of them leave us feeling unfulfilled, shameful and, most of all, like we need to be fixed.
I have tried them all – to some extent or another. Sometimes I forget my own goals (or they are the same goals over and over), the word of the year didn’t stick, feeling my way through the year got complicated . . . you get the idea. All of these looked outward for an answer.
In 2021 I tried something different. Identity-based goal making*, trusting my inherent worth and embodying my goals. How did this work? I had this goal to open my coaching and consulting business, to have clients, to actually show up more and tell people about my services. I could have made the goals as I have listed them. Instead, I employed identity-based goal making: I am a coach, I am a small business owner. Then I asked myself: what would a coach do? What would a small business owner do? What actions would they take? Then I took those actions, sometimes consistently and sometimes inconsistently. But that didn’t change my identity.
When I shifted from “doing” things to actually “being” – magic happened. OK, magic with a healthy dose of consistent work.
You do this already in your life: I am a mom, I am a manager, I am a good friend, I am a runner. And you take daily steps to embody those habits. Sometimes we are good at it, sometimes we fail. Just because you have a bad day as a mom doesn’t mean you aren’t a mom anymore, or a manager or a good friend or a runner. You recognize your humanity.
This year? I will continue being a coach and a small business owner but I am also a writer.
So, what are you? And how will you embody that? What is the next small action you would take?
*This idea comes from James Clear, Atomic Habits